All times are UTC




Forum locked This topic is locked, you cannot edit posts or make further replies.  [ 25 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2
Author Message
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jul 08, 2006 5:35 pm 
Offline
Pwnzer
Pwnzer
User avatar

Joined: Wed Aug 10, 2005 2:06 pm
Posts: 4573
Location: Canada, ON
all bush does mostly is sign paper, well so do most polititians, its actually the regular people who do the work. I dont like politians.

_________________
Image
Terms of Use||TC:E + W:ET EULA


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jul 09, 2006 3:56 am 
Offline
Forum Master
Forum Master
User avatar

Joined: Thu Apr 27, 2006 4:50 am
Posts: 1049
Location: Teh US
Bravo. Unlike some fellow forum-dwellers, I actually enjoyed the poetic portion more-so than the latter. The rest of it is fine though, but I DO have one little thing that bugs me.....

Silentcrisis wrote:
"I should've killed you when I had the chance."


This particular line, I'm sorry, is one of the biggest cliches in the history of writing/filmmaking, and that's a bad thing. Just hearing that line again makes my eyes roll back in my head, It's just so damn generic.

"I should have never spared your life," would most likely be a better and less painfully familiar substitute...
But hey... it's your work, not mine... just giving my 2 1/2 cents worth. :D

_________________
"Who's chair is that?... who put that G**Damn chair here? It's not my chair. Not my chair not my problem, that's what I say"


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jul 09, 2006 4:33 am 
Offline
High Master
High Master
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 01, 2005 1:43 am
Posts: 749
Location: US, SEE THAT UBISOFT! US!!!
no no no no nah nah no, Xeno, Bush does nothing, it's that exempt, NOTHING!!!

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jul 09, 2006 4:39 am 
Offline
Forum Master
Forum Master
User avatar

Joined: Wed Dec 07, 2005 12:48 am
Posts: 1239
Hmm... good point. But what I'm trying to do is set up the type of character I'm going to put as the main character. I'm not trying to make the main character sound like some buttoned down diplomat that would say "I should have ended your life for a few moments of happiness I would have pleasantly endured."

I want the main character to be kind of... normal. Therefore, I give him a common phrase to say.

But, nonetheless, I'm now thinking of several other ways I could reword it like, "I should've cut your throat back in Berlin" or something along those lines...

I do admire the constructive criticism though. :D

~Silentcrisis

_________________
Image

/Dragonathon

TC:E/ET username = Silentcrisis


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jul 09, 2006 7:03 am 
Offline
Master
Master
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jun 26, 2006 7:04 am
Posts: 298
Location: Québec, Canada
XenoKiLLer wrote:
all bush does mostly is sign paper, well so do most polititians, its actually the regular people who do the work. I dont like politians.
I dont like them to...but you forgot something, they dont only sign paper they also lie...


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jul 09, 2006 9:19 am 
Offline
High Master
High Master
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 01, 2005 1:43 am
Posts: 749
Location: US, SEE THAT UBISOFT! US!!!
Hmm, smart man, I take it your a guy, if your not sorry, well if your a hemafrodite thats just weird, go away. :P

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jul 09, 2006 3:27 pm 
Offline
Forum Master
Forum Master
User avatar

Joined: Wed Dec 07, 2005 12:48 am
Posts: 1239
Guys, stay on topic, especially in my thread. :P

If you want to discuss politics. You can do so by making your own thread.

Just keep it rational.

~Silentcrisis

_________________
Image

/Dragonathon

TC:E/ET username = Silentcrisis


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jul 09, 2006 4:44 pm 
Offline
Pwnzer
Pwnzer
User avatar

Joined: Wed Aug 10, 2005 2:06 pm
Posts: 4573
Location: Canada, ON
lol. dont know how it slipped into politics.

Go to www.deviantart.com, make an account and put up that poem or what ever it is, story.. so that the public can read and critic it.

_________________
Image
Terms of Use||TC:E + W:ET EULA


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jul 09, 2006 8:15 pm 
Offline
Forum Master
Forum Master
User avatar

Joined: Wed Dec 07, 2005 12:48 am
Posts: 1239
I've already done that. :P

Most of the people who have read it have had very little complaint.

Also, my writing made it into the contest so I need to write a few more chapters in it.

~Silentcrisis

_________________
Image

/Dragonathon

TC:E/ET username = Silentcrisis


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jul 09, 2006 8:23 pm 
Offline
Pwnzer
Pwnzer
User avatar

Joined: Wed Aug 10, 2005 2:06 pm
Posts: 4573
Location: Canada, ON
I see.

_________________
Image
Terms of Use||TC:E + W:ET EULA


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Forum locked This topic is locked, you cannot edit posts or make further replies.  [ 25 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

All times are UTC


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Style created by © Matti, gry komputerowe, reklama sem reklama seo

Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group