<TCF>Buschman wrote:
Muska, in responce to your latest endevours in love and life, let me tell you just one simple bit of advice that I was told by a very good friend of mine:
Do not jump into things purely because you can, or because it is there.
Its common sense really, but its good to hear it every now and then.
Yeah thanx, Busch.
Actually, I've decided to persue the first girl (again).
I've known her for more than half a year and have actually developed a relationship with her, so it doesn't make sense to jump all over another girl that I barely know just to make myself feel more secure (which I now realize is the truth).
For some reason every time I decide I'm over her something happens and I get pulled back in. I
REALLY need to suck it up and talk to that mannager before
she decides to move on (which is almost harder than trying to talk to her face-to-face about it).
My biggest problem is every time I see her she seems to have loads more confidence that I do. She always has this sexy little grin on, and it's
VERY intimidating. Then again, through a bit of self-realization, I think I may have found something signifigant we have in common.
I finally realize that I smile and chuckle when I'm nervous or can't think of anything to say, even when it's inappropriate and awkward (or at least when I'm looking at someone).
Sometimes I'll be talking to my best friend and just start grinning and losing it for no reason, while on the inside I'm screaming
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DO YOU REALIZE HOW STUPID YOU LOOK, STOP!".
As soon as I thought of this, I ran back time in my head and saw previous events with her making sense.
Like one time I asked her why she was always smiling, and she just giggled and said
"I've got a little girl, I have to be happy all the time,".
This of course, in the current situation, was absolutely absurd, irrelevent, and it confused me even more.
I also recall once, about a month before she left, seeing her folding boxes when my best friend (he got me the job, if you've forgotten/I never said so) walked over next to her and started folding boxes too.
I was watching from the cutting-table. He said
"Hello," to her and she looked at him without expression and replied
"Hi,".
After this both of them just got back to work and didn't talk anymore.
This seemed strange to me because, as I said before, she was
ALWAYS smiling, at least while I was around.
While I was around.
While I was around.
Maybe, just maybe, she's just as nervous as me, but she hides it the same way I do, by smiling and laughing.
When were around each other both of us are almost always smiling the whole time, but now I see that she's not like that all the time, just around people she likes (friends, ect).
Maybe she's just as intimidated by my smile as I am of hers, after all, she did tell me once that I
"Have a cute smile,", so why wouldn't that make perfect sense?
HOLY CRAP!
I just looked back at what I just wrote and
WOW, I never intended to draw this post out so long, hehe....
sry, I'll stop.
[End Of Post]