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http://www.truecombatelite.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=36&t=753
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Author:  XenoKiLLer [ Sat Jul 08, 2006 5:35 pm ]
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all bush does mostly is sign paper, well so do most polititians, its actually the regular people who do the work. I dont like politians.

Author:  Evil_Muska [ Sun Jul 09, 2006 3:56 am ]
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Bravo. Unlike some fellow forum-dwellers, I actually enjoyed the poetic portion more-so than the latter. The rest of it is fine though, but I DO have one little thing that bugs me.....

Silentcrisis wrote:
"I should've killed you when I had the chance."


This particular line, I'm sorry, is one of the biggest cliches in the history of writing/filmmaking, and that's a bad thing. Just hearing that line again makes my eyes roll back in my head, It's just so damn generic.

"I should have never spared your life," would most likely be a better and less painfully familiar substitute...
But hey... it's your work, not mine... just giving my 2 1/2 cents worth. :D

Author:  Shiro013 [ Sun Jul 09, 2006 4:33 am ]
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no no no no nah nah no, Xeno, Bush does nothing, it's that exempt, NOTHING!!!

Author:  Silentcrisis [ Sun Jul 09, 2006 4:39 am ]
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Hmm... good point. But what I'm trying to do is set up the type of character I'm going to put as the main character. I'm not trying to make the main character sound like some buttoned down diplomat that would say "I should have ended your life for a few moments of happiness I would have pleasantly endured."

I want the main character to be kind of... normal. Therefore, I give him a common phrase to say.

But, nonetheless, I'm now thinking of several other ways I could reword it like, "I should've cut your throat back in Berlin" or something along those lines...

I do admire the constructive criticism though. :D

~Silentcrisis

Author:  -Aequitas- [ Sun Jul 09, 2006 7:03 am ]
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XenoKiLLer wrote:
all bush does mostly is sign paper, well so do most polititians, its actually the regular people who do the work. I dont like politians.
I dont like them to...but you forgot something, they dont only sign paper they also lie...

Author:  Shiro013 [ Sun Jul 09, 2006 9:19 am ]
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Hmm, smart man, I take it your a guy, if your not sorry, well if your a hemafrodite thats just weird, go away. :P

Author:  Silentcrisis [ Sun Jul 09, 2006 3:27 pm ]
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Guys, stay on topic, especially in my thread. :P

If you want to discuss politics. You can do so by making your own thread.

Just keep it rational.

~Silentcrisis

Author:  XenoKiLLer [ Sun Jul 09, 2006 4:44 pm ]
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lol. dont know how it slipped into politics.

Go to www.deviantart.com, make an account and put up that poem or what ever it is, story.. so that the public can read and critic it.

Author:  Silentcrisis [ Sun Jul 09, 2006 8:15 pm ]
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I've already done that. :P

Most of the people who have read it have had very little complaint.

Also, my writing made it into the contest so I need to write a few more chapters in it.

~Silentcrisis

Author:  XenoKiLLer [ Sun Jul 09, 2006 8:23 pm ]
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I see.

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